Am sharing some thoughts that arose from coping with my struggles in the hope that they might be helpful? Fortunately experience taught me to avoid abusive relationships as I matured. Books were my childhood escape then geographical distancing helped. Immersing myself in study, helping others and finding my spiritual path gave me the strength to face my demons. I’m still a work in progress but if these words help that’s all that really matters!
my pic … tossed about in perpetual motion!
I have loads of baggage as we all do, some more than others. It remained buried deep until I was ready to confront the reality. Sarcasm, people pleasing and hard work were my solaces. Others bury it under various layers of addiction, self-sabotage, toxic eruptions, a need to control or by pushing everyone away. Behaving defensively without actually addressing the pain deep inside.
Felt safer to file it away in deep recesses until the conditions ripened to empower me to confront my reality. Some may lose it and erupt as I did in my earlier years. These toxic layers have a flow on effect. Manifesting as seething emotions, confused crazy busy mind, restless sleep, etc. which greatly impact our mental and physical well-being. Often erupting as pain, cancers, anger, envy, insecurity and intolerance. Causing others to step away bewildered by our volatility. That isolation confirms our sense of unworthiness and the damage deepens.
Having allowed it fester for far too long I eventually realised my need to create the circumstances in order to deal more effectively with my issues … a sign of healing, growth and emotional maturity.
Professional counseling is constructive if we have a rapport with our counselor. If the rapport isn’t there it may create more pain so choose wisely. Sharing my burden with a wise elder who could listen without judging sure relieved the pressure. By constructively working through my issues I learnt healthier coping mechanisms that let me feel easier, freer. Knowing or being more aware of myself, my triggers and my reactions allowed more authentic connections.
Self-love is vital to lessen any self-destruct tendencies. I was not responsible for the harm caused and most of us don’t have the coping tools to really heal ourselves. No matter how many self-help books we read. I did years of tertiary study then both professional and voluntary work assisting others and this laid a solid foundation to work from.
It is that very real human connection, someone able to hear and care that sincerely heals. We each have the answers within but keep too busy to be still and listen. Long solitary retreats sure helped me but are not recommended for those with more fragile mental stability. Daily meditation is the best medication! It keeps me calm and always seeking better ways to benefit others.
There is NO cure as such, I can never erase that past but forgiving those who caused the harm is essential for my own healing. I will never forget those incidences but I have diffused their sting by Investing my energy in the positive. As my pollution dwindled I became more skillful, wiser at handling my inner turmoil and it’s triggers, enabling emotional maturity!
aroused 
I appreciate you sharing your journey here, Kate. I truly believe that those who have found a way to navigate through it all and find some measure of peace are blessed and being watched over by “angels.” There are so many things that messed up my world view at an early age, and so many life-ending situations I placed myself into that I survived I have to believe someone/something was watching over me. I was blessed to find a mentor/counselor that was one of my angels. Also a support group for those who had suffered similar victimization, along with lots of education in a belief-based guidance format made all of the difference. I agree about the forgiveness. What I learned about forgiveness is that it doesn’t excuse the evil but it removes the burden of that evil from being carried by the victim and places it where it belongs, on the shoulders of the evildoer. Sorry for the long comment, but you inspired me to write it ❤
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so very glad the post resonated Lisa! Appreciate you sharing your situation … sounds like we both coped with support from our angels 🙂
There is never any excuse for abuse but the perps seem to have little to zero social conscious. They really can’t see how their behaviour would harm!
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I’m so happy that you’ve been successful in walking your path to healing. I have very little trauma in my life. I worked for a toxic boss for 26 years and if I’d had been young I think I would have collapsed under the abuse. Instead I refused to believe her criticisms and deflected her nasty ways. Thus I survived and am much better at spotting evil people. (Meditation has helped and now that I’ve had some actual instruction I think I am on my way)
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No parents are perfect, and all of us grow up with childhood traumas. Part of growing up is forgiving our parents for what they did to us. This may be very difficult if the abuse was unusually severe or intended to harm us. I had professional help understanding that I needed to forgive my parents for their mistakes, but certain memories still elicit a reaction. At this stage, I am hoping that my children have forgiven me.
Thank you, Kate, for sharing your journey, and how you overcame the traumas of your childhood. It may be very helpful to others to know they are not alone, and how they can deal effectively with these issues. ❤ That is a gorgeous photo of the sailboat!
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when that abuse is persistent right up until death Cheryl it can take on a life of it’s own 🙂
I’m sure your kids have forgiven you but then I know you would have insight and that helps so much!
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What you have experienced, Kate, goes well beyond garden-variety parental mistakes! I am sure it must have been extraordinarily difficult for you. ❤ That reminds me of the Nietzsche quote, "What does not kill me makes me stronger." You are a strong lady. ❤
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oh I thank her every day for my strength and my independence, by giving me no choice I could only grow 🙂
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Life is a journey of ups and downs … you have handled your arduous task superbly Kate … personally, I was a lucky young man, with wonderful parents and cosy lifestyle … which I think stood me in good stead to cope with life’s future problems …
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I congratulate you Kate on seeing you wanted a change and constantly doing what you had to, to realize it. Your story is transparent and I’m sure very relatable to many. Thank you for so generously sharing your life’s process and what you have learned along your journey. It’s inspiring and also very helpful. 🌹
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Positive connections are so important. I’m glad you have been able to find your center, and I always appreciate your optimistic aura. (K)
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Thanks for sharing this with us Kate. The struggles of life do teach us many lessons. Yours are very valuable ones. Meditation, forgiveness and self love do carry immense healing powers.
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Thank you for sharing. I’ve always been on the edge of society. Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to not be harsh or too blunt with other people. I’ve had so much bad stuff happen to me that I offend people who care what I say about myself. It doesn’t hurt me. I think it’s a flaw in culture to always have white smiles. I have started to be a little more aggressive when it comes to people respecting me as a stranger. I don’t know what is wrong, but take something like teeth. I have horrible teeth because my parents thought that giving me a ton of floride was the right thing to do. It wasn’t. Now I don’t smile much, and people will be like, stop being negative, you’re a bad person, why do you want to bring others down into your misery, you are selfish and cruel. In the end, it’s quite simple: I have bad teeth. Did you want the combo? It’s like this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V3RliuDbZM
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oh Inker, it is tough when we are damaged but I believe we always have a choice … wallow and make others miserable too or look for those positives. Sure they can be very hard to find but the damage is already done we can’t undo it. I say give them the biggest smile possible, melt their hearts with your inner beauty … and maybe someday someone will offer to repair your teeth.
Smiling when things are grim takes great courage but by jove it keeps those beggars guessing 🙂
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I so appreciate you sharing your journey here Kate… I too used to put my nose in books in school in particular.. Avoiding the onslaught of bullies… But you know even those abusive days of childhood, and that feeling of unworthiness… All set me up for who I am today..
It takes time, years in fact to peel back those wounds of one sort or another, and to then begin to learn to love one’s self… and heal that inner child that felt so lost and lonely..
I think dear Kate… You are doing a great job as you now voice those emotions my friend…. Sharing so others can see we all have them.. and need to confront them… Letting them surface and then healing the wounds as we let them go..
You most certainly inspire and bring hope Kate xx 💛💛💛
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I truly admire you kate…and though i have the best childhood, thanks to my loving parents and siblings; growing up i witnessed other children having abusive parents, not only in terms of physical abuse, but emotional abuse as well. It was so hard to watch them go to school with us with bruises and wounds. And your post made me wonder now, where are they? And i hope they have a good life now despite of all their traumas.
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we all have two choices in life Mich … to go under and live in the land of gloom 😦 Or to find the positives and grow stronger 🙂
So no knowing which way your classmates went.
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I love your honesty, because it helps so many others who are also struggling. And face it, one way or another and to different degrees, we’re all struggling. Learning to heal and accept our true selves is a journey and you’ve provided some great tips for how to move forward. I especially agree with how connecting with others who let us speak our truths is so necessary and effective. That’s certainly been my experience!
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I can relate, SweetKate.
I want you to know you, your words, your courage, your love, your willingness to share your deep emotions and your journey do help others! 🙂
Everyone is carrying some deep hurt and pain…everyone has challenges…we are all more alike than we are different…that is why we must love and understand and respect each other. 🙂
I have found my meditation time and my prayer time lift me up. 🙂
(((HUGS))) ❤️❤️❤️
“I admire people who could have turned cold after everything they’ve been through but still chose love anyway. There’s strength in that.” – Keneilwe D Mhlanga
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Such wise advice, Kate. I’ve bookmarked this post for future. I could relate with everything you were saying, I think that it’s a good sign, it means I’m on the right track at last! 🌻
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That’s a true and brave piece about overcoming your past. There’s something to learn from this 🙂
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Once we build courage to outlet are emotions and share our feelings through any source of communication, life becomes breathable and you feel light hearted. It’s commendable the way you have expressed yourself and have given yourself wings again to fly.
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Kate, your words will reach out to someone who needs to hear them. In my own life, I’ve experienced moments of self-doubt. I’ve been blessed with mentors at times when I needed a supportive voice.
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yes, mentors are a real gift … finding ones we have a heart connection with is pure gold 🙂
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