our past shapes but doesn’t define us

We’ve all experienced deep sadness at various levels … health complications, abuse, betrayal, letdowns, put-downs. But we have a choice to dwell on the pain caused or focus on the strength of character we gained from these experiences. Because they are just that ‘experiences’, and similar situations can cause grave impacts for some. While others use their resilience to move on, resolving to heal from the lessons they gained from the situation.

In other words we choose to be victims or victors …
in every single situation.

We can learn and grow, or boil and fume …
which is healthier for our wellbeing?

my pic


  1. Boiling and fuming, never seemed to be a comfortable situation for me Kate, … boiling scalds the skin, and fuming chokes the mind .. and in both cases, forces you to be irritable, which distracts you from being kind to yourself and to others ..💛🌝

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  2. So much wisdom in these lines! We all experience sad times. We all must learn to deal with it. So many of your posts highlight the importance of kindness and that is so very important. We must learn to be kind to ourselves as well. 🙂 As your picture shows, beautiful things can grow in less than optimal places!

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      • It is so true…Whenever we see a flower blooming in the crevice of a rock, we feel so happy. We understand that even in the most unlikely places, a flower can survive and thrive. It gives us hope. We can imagine that we ourselves can thrive even when things look pretty tough on the road ahead. 🙂 I felt like your photo was such a little blessing today…so much hardship that people are enduring. (I keep praying for your people and the flooding situation.) A photo can say so much…

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  3. i totally agree. it’s perspective and the will to move forward and conquer. though of course, it’s ok to cry and break down sometimes. thank you for this beautiful reminder. 🙂


  4. That is so true! I get so tired of people pretending they can simply erase the past (they can’t, it happened) or believing that they don’t have the ability to grow and change. (It’s hard, but we all have that ability.) The way you said it is just perfect: the past does shape us, but it sure doesn’t have to define us. We get to define ourselves, I believe!

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  5. I have one friend who says any failure makes her stronger and teaches her not to give up. He also has a friend who experiences every failure very much, becomes ill and depressed. And it all depends on our psyche, strong or weak.

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  6. This is so true Kate…i always love how you make topics/themes like this so poetic.


    I bought Jenna’s book and i was so thrilled to read your foreword..🙏💛🤗

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  7. Truly and perfectly said! Our past holds so much value for us as long as we gain useful insights for what we want to consciously carry in to our future patterns. Victim perspective makes our past to heavily weigh us down, unable to move on in to any possibilities. It is literally the measure of our wellbeing.

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  8. I don’t mean to be ‘difficult,’ but The Ukrainians didn’t choose to be victims, and neither do many others.This strikes me as a platitude in need of more nuance.


    • sadly all of us have been touched by tragedy at some time in our lives … nor do the flood victims I’m currently surrounded by, see my previous post; or the six month old – to 6 yo who were sexually abused; or the women and children beaten daily by a violent monster in their own home; or those with chronic illness!

      It’s what they do with that very tragic experience that defines them as victims or victors.

      Currently we see Ukraine fighting back at every possible level whilst trying to evacuate their elderly and children to safety … just as we did this week in our shocking floods. How we react to all that, with resilience and strength or cry and wail. Do we use that tragic situation to learn and grow or just chuck a tantrum and throw a pity party?

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  9. Absolutely the Truth! We have the choice! Always I choose to move forward. The past cannot be undone but I can change my future with the choices I make! Great inspirational post Kate!

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