calmkate

word play

•   Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!

•    How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it.

•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

•    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist

•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

•     I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.

•    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

•    I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

•    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

•    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

•    When chemists die, they barium.

•    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.   I just can’t put it down.

•    I did a theatrical performance about puns.   It was a play on words.

•    Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

•    I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

•    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

•    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

•    Broken pencils are pointless.

•    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

•    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

•    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

•    Velcro – what a rip off!

•    Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

from a friend who found these on the net!

39 comments

  7. I love these jokes! And so does my dad! I’m passing them on to him – I’m pretty sure he’s going to use some with the grandkids. 😂 Thanks for the humor today! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Oh, I know, Kate! My utmost respect to anyone who tries to learn English. The fact that certain people manage to speak it well absolutely astounds.

      For one thing, we have no rules. Not really. Speakers just have to memorize the 1,455,640 exceptions to the rules.

      Seriously, think about how we conjugate “to be.” I am, you are, she is….

      Does any one of these sound even remotely like, “to be?”

      I rest my case, Your Honor.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  16. HA! Love these!!! 😛 Thanks for the snort-laughs! 😀 I snorted loudly and Cooper stood up to stare at me, like, “What are laughing about now, Woman?” So I read him the one about the sausage and he howled… with laughter! 😉 😛
    BTW: I had a science prof in university who was crossed eyed and wore very thick glasses. It was weird because you never knew when he was looking at you. He might be looking at the other side of the room from where you were sitting and then call on you to answer a question. 😮 Had to keep on your toes in that class!!! 😉
    HUGS!!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  32. Haha! I love puns!
    Here’s another couple you may enjoy:
    “This meat’s not properly cooked,” he roared.
    “I’ve just fallen off the Isle of Wight ferry,” said Jack, insolently.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

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