if we don’t condemn unhealthy behaviour
then we are condoning it
yes agreeing that it’s acceptable!
this week a man drowned his wife by
driving their car into a river
another incinerated his ex and three
cute little toddlers
media bang on about a monster
others mourn a man with mental health
Two women a week are murdered by him [news article]
countless children never finished school
fact is society condones murder as a
ready fix-it for troubled relationships
the first was having an affair with his masseur
the second couldn’t bear rejection
but police and courts knew of these threats
and stood by as it unfolded ….
until society accepts responsibility
and condemns such murders
until law enforcers start to enforce our laws
until we keep our vulnerable safe
this is escalating as is sexual assaults
as they rarely bear any consequences
action avoided
uneasy that it could be them
sentences considerably lighter
than most murderers
yet women who kill in defence
rot in goal on long sentences
the gender imbalance persists
the damage is permanent!
Family Domestic Violence
must become Freedom Due to Volition ….
freedom to live safely
protected in their own home
freedom to enjoy a rural drive
without the threat of being drowned
freedom to drive the kids to school
without fear of incineration
it starts in tiny little ways
put downs constant frowns
control monitoring bullying threats
then escalates rapidly once they escape to safety
why do we allow this to keep rerunning
why don’t we do more to cherish our kids
since when did family become possessions
to dispose of when and how it feels fit
my heart churns with anguish
that society isn’t really trying to resolve this
partners gunned down in their own bathroom
he claimed it was an intruder …
we’ve read the headlines
but these are daughters, sisters, children
who deserved a chance at life
not constant anguish and violent strife
NB the lead detective has just been stood down from the incineration case for making ‘victim blaming’ comments … he must have been “driven too far” … this is the attitude of most authorities, that it’s their fault! When is it ever right to burn your family alive … really
saying that women should leave [she had]; change the laws; protest; teach self-worth and get them to leave = victim blaming. This implies women haven’t been campaigning for decades, that they have the wealth, options, skills to pack 3 kids up and start a completely new life off the radar .. we think they may be safe then … think again ex-husbands hunt them down and kill them. This is why they are rationally very scared to leave … we need to know that it’s deadly!
One guy killed his two kids and left them for her to find knowing that they were her life … she suicided 18 months later .. how is this acceptable? One grandfather shot his wife, daughter and her three teens … is it because we watch too much death on tv and have become numb?
another very relevant article … we stopped coward punches [7 deaths /year] but there is NO reaction to stop DV which kills 129/year .….
Men need to man up and pressure other men that murder is never okay!
aroused 
Sobering truth. Sadly, another sobering truth is many are afraid to speak too loudly, if at all. Society gets worse as the Oscars and Grammys glorify the roles, but who looks behind their masks. Whisper, speak, shout, ode it, metaphor it, haiku it, dirge it, and pray for deaf ears to open, not just applause.
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eloquently and wisely stated Mary, thanks for adding your voice … I really think some doubt it even happens, talk about ignorant or blind …
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As long as there are other men patting the back of the killers this will go on. Decent men should condemn this instead of trying to find excuses.
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The fact that TV serves up violence on a regular basis is an insidious undermining of moral values. Of course that’s only one part of a many-faceted decline.
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That was very powerful. I hear you….same story around the world, it is so much easier to turn the blind eye. And the victim blaming is truly appalling and uunacceptable.
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“Men need to man up and pressure other men that murder is never okay!”
You are so right, but regrettably, I doubt it will happen…
Anna
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as a GP … maybe you could notify the authorities when the violence is escalating?
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men appear to get the better deal in so-called justice when they murder their wives and children and women are regarded as “asking for it”
I do agree with your words (in your poem), very much so – but regrettably as said think change will be along way off if at all.
I am not a GP BTW – until I retired I was a psychiatric nurse and worked with many a poor soul on the receiving end of violence within marriage/partnerships. mostly women, but some men.
Kind regards
Anna
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sounds like you think it’s ok, accept the status quo … thought after seeing all that you might be campaigning for more law enforcement … RSPCA can protect our pets far better than the vulnerable are protected 😦
thanks for explaining Anna … why is your pic of a man???
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I don’t think its okay ..
Initially working in a hospital setting. I became well aware that I could not effect change, so left to work in the community. I like to think I might have changed the thought processes of the status quo whilst working there, but perhaps am deluding myself as I was probably being served lip-service to shut me up.
It is very much a mans world whether we like it or not – and I don’t like it. Women’s rights are something of a delusion, we might think we are moving forward if we become (or appear to men) more laddish, but we are not.
Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars remains an in-think with many a man and I believe it will be an almost impossible task to change that mode of thinking.
And yes, the RSPCA can protect our pets better than the vulnerable in our society, and unfortunately many a human thinks more of their pets than they do of their vulnerable fellow humans.
I am on your side Kate and I really don’t understand why you think I am not.
As to campaigning (for change), I’m afraid my campaigning days are over as the years have caught up with me and I have to look after me.
The icon is a spider, not a man, if that’s what you mean?
Kind regards
Anna
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Hi Anna, agreeing with what you say.
Your avatar is a spider on your comments but when I click on your blog link “A Better NHS” the avatar is a man with glasses … do you share the blog?
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Cheers Kate.
You mention the RSPCA, but I am unsure of your location – UK or maybe Australia?
I wonder if this: https://www.spiked-online.com/2020/03/04/how-woman-became-a-dirty-word/ might interest you – it scares me silly.
All our hard fought-for freedoms and ?recognition of that we are indeed equal are quickly being eroded in the name of woke and PC, and many of us remain unaware of it. Our voices and thus freedom of speech are being eroded. Scary scary stuff.
As to you ending up on “A Better NHS”, I can’t explain it; maybe it is a glitch or something as I can’t replicate it. If I click onto my link at dVerse, it takes me to my blog, same when clicking onto the icon/avatar WP link. It is a mystery.
Kind regards
Anna :o]
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ouch that’s outrageous .. makes me glad to be an aussie … but we don’t do it well here either!
Can I have a link to your blog please? Your avatar and link under hypercryptical both take me to A Better NHS .. please check this?
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Hi Kate
Checked again from my comments here and the WP page and links below still takes me to my blog, so I don’t understand how when you try, it takes you to A Better NHS. The plot thickens! :o]
Here is the link to my post: http://hypercryptical.blogspot.com/2020/03/one-night-stand_5.html
Kind regards
Anna :o]
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interesting that you do mention NHS in your intro, so maybe they linked directly to your blog because of that?
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Such a sad thing when domestic violence occurs. It seems to go on and on. Love turned to hate is an awful thing! You have shared it sadly, yet very well!
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Brave voice! I don’t condone any violence specially from intimate partners and family. A lot more work needs to be done to protect victims of violence, specially the children and women.
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Kate, patriarchy is the root cause of the ongoing terror of domestic violence. Every step of “the system” is controlled by men who somehow want to give a break to other men who terrorize females and children through violence and other forms of psychological coercion. Just like sexual assault, the patriarchy and the justice system aren’t taking it seriously. They can play at it, but until they do women and children will continue to be harmed and worse. I hate the idea of fighting fire with fire, but if that’s what it takes until the patriarchy crumbles across the whole damned world (yes, it rules everywhere!) then buy a firearm and learn how to use it. Believe me, if a man knows you’re armed and willing to pull the trigger, he’ll think twice.
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hmmm interesting solution Lisa, we don’t carry guns here. Would add another dimension!
I must correct you there Lisa is NO Justice system we have a Legal system that doesn’t even dabble in justice!
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It is an intolerable situation that we have to keep tolerating. Domestic violence and sexual assault (which I see as a category of domestic violence, as the large majority of the assaults are done by family members, friends, and acquaintances) dominate human culture. As long as men own and run everything I don’t see any end — unless the men who DONT batter and sexually assault start being more vocal and take action to stop it.
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very valid points Lisa, I pray for the later but sadly do agree that maybe carrying arms might be vital to save lives and eventually help to get our message across …
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It’s high time that we stand up and take a stand against injustice and violence! A most evocative write. 💝
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I think the wheel is now turning on this, albeit slowly and, of course long overdue… And it’s clear and strident voices like yours that help to make it happen… Thank you for that…
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My gosh! What is the world coming to!! Whatever the trigger, this cannot be done. We can teach our children to respect each other but what about the adults? When will they learn?
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now many men are threatening to kill their family the same way … there is no shame and they wont take responsibility 😦
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That is the reason why things don’t change!! 😡
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It’s horrific and heartbreaking what’s going on in our world, and continues to escalate. A poignant, harsh and all too true poem you’ve written here Kate, that needs to be read by everyone.🙏
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It breaks my heart that this goes on..everywhere. Yes, we need to ALL stand up and shout out. It does seems that the violence has escalated. Not sure if it’s b/c we hear of it more now or b/c it happens more. Either way..it’s heart breaking.
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they say helplines and refuges get huge influxes following any crisis … look at all those wildfires and now floods we have had recently. Apparently the lose triggers even gentle partners into violence.
Men need to learn to communicate and to find less damaging outlets …
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Your words are disturbing here…..which is exactly as they should be.
These words “keep our vulnerable safe” are perhaps the key. But how to do that is the question.
I’ve been seeing the Harvey Weinstein case mentioned on our news and every time they show footage of him either walking to or from the courtyard, hunched over using a walker; or a few times, walking/limping bent over with two men on either side of him helping him walk. He is, in my mind, deliberately playing into the use of cameras and media to make him look like the vulnerable. My guess is, once the verdict comes in and the trial is over, the walker will disappear. And my understanding is the jury is already deadlocked on two of the more serious accusations.
May we all teach our children (girls and boys) how to respect each other and that gentleness is a human behaviour all should ascribe to.
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😦 😦 😦
Everyone’s hearts SHOULD be broken that all of this goes on! And everyone SHOULD stand up, speak out, and help to bring about change!
(((HUGS)))
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There is an injustice on how criminals are treated – why don’t restraining orders work? Why does it take so long to convict wrongdoers… So sad to hear such abuses of life. Which is why I look to the Good News Section everyday. The 107 year old woman still active in the bakery she and her husband started because they couldn’t get employment as people of color years ago. Or the Male teacher who helped a foster child student of his by adopting him – so the child could have a stable environment to recover from a transplant that the child could not have gotten if he didn’t have a permanent home…
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i was mentally drained and physically exhausted at the end of your poem, tired of what the world has become, humans becoming animals, this was really hard to read
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sorry Gina I should have had a warning at the top … it’s been churning me for days so I had to exorcise it .. it really breaks my heart but I can’t ignore it
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Domestic violence and the police taking lightly to what is happening to our women and children is appalling. Here in Mumbai too we hear what you have said so truly into your poem. We have to all come together and stop what is happening to innocent people at large.
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Powerful and poignant dear Kate…. And you know how I stand in disbelief and in shame for some people who supposedly think they are men………. I’m crying with pent-up emotion….. to think that for over 30 years, all I wanted is for my lovely lady’s heart to keep beating…… not sure whether this is quite the right song….. but metaphorically it’ll do…..
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yes to think that poor woman had left him yet he attacked them coming out the driveway as she took the kids to preschool … they were tied in their seatbelts as he poured petrol over them in the car and lit it … how can that be ok 😦
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No… totally inhumane….. .. cruelty of this magnitude, is beyond my comprehension
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I do not understand that we live in the 21st century, and violence against women and unequal rights continue to apply.
Regards
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women have done as much as possible … now it’s up to men to step up and own their actions!
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Oh my gosh Kate….i am actually lost if words. I have talked to women and children who are victims of domestic violence and i know how difficult this is for them.
In my research some countries have already signed up laws on protection against violence against women and children and yet the same countries have still most numbers of victims of abuse.
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absolutely NOBODY has the excuse to slaughter … men need to see this as a community issue and step up!
Own responsibility to protect the vulnerable.
The family are appealing for money for the funeral as they spent every cent trying to extract her from that volatile situation 😦
And once you get out they know that their kids could be burnt alive because those laws are just not enforced … really
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This is so spot on! When we stay silent, we do condone this behavior.
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yes we have to speak up and stand up or we are equally guilty Sadje 😦
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And this is where we often fail.
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