Beware this could Impact on You!
It seems like every day now for ages my heart is squeezed in a tight vice as we hear of yet another fatality. Today it was a 5 yo, a 6 yo and their mother – killed in their own home, their safe haven, by her boyfriend. The young man charged for setting his 21 yo partner alight or the 18 yo who had her head bashed relentlessly against a steel park bench … it goes on and on. How does this continue to happen, how do we tolerate this outrageous violence against the most vulnerable?
I’ve met these men and women – they sincerely are charmers otherwise how could they draw intelligent partners into their dangerously dysfunctional web.
They say all the right words, are attentive, show her kids a good time … then the put downs start, the controlling, the abuse and shouting, then the shoving and dragging … which escalates to punching and onto beating senseless. Ah but there are excuses – was abused as a child; had a hard day at work or drank too much or … If only she didn’t whinge, cleaned the place up, did what she was told, didn’t back chat, could control her brats …Control
Report what goes on next door!
It escalates drastically once she mentions moving out or falls pregnant – that doesn’t suit and confronted with loss of control he snaps.
They are Dead – another domestic violence statistic!
Is it a blessing that they all went together so they didn’t miss each other?
What if they were your daughter and grandchildren, or sister, cousin or neighbours .. how many lives do such murders effect? How can these vulnerable people ever escape? And if they eventually do, how the heck do they ever recover?
What can I/we do about this?
Tell those women and children that they do matter, are loveable, should be treated with respect and offer them a safety plan with no judgement about how or when they exit. Only she knows the dynamics that she has to dodge in that volatile relationship.
Let men know that it is unacceptable behaviour; that they need to take responsibility, man up, for all that they do and say; that there is absolutely no excuse for violence at any level; that they need to seek professional assistance NOW! They need to learn more constructive ways to deal with their anger, pain and confusion.
Relationships should be mutually loving and supportive, not fraught with fear!
Please share your constructive solutions for this societal sickness?
Men are the main violators but women do also.
If this is too close to home then please call your local help line now?
[posted January 2016]
aroused 
The love that kills…is it love, or is it madness?
My youngest sister knew (as in spent time with) Nixaliz Santiago. For those of you who don’t remember, Ms. Santiago and her boyfriend, Cesar Rodriguez were convicted (separately, in different trials) of murdering Ms. Santiago’s daughter Nixmary Brown. The way my sister tells it, Ms. Santiago KNEW Mr. Rodriguez was physically & sexually abusing the child, but let it go on because he “took her & her kids from the homeless shelter to an apartment, he was a good provider, and she didn’t want to be without a man”.
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I’m glad they charged the mother also, but sadly desperate people make desperate decisions! That doesn’t excuse CR for his violence – we all need to step up to keep children safe – neighbours relatives, friends, anyone can alert the authorities.
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Here is one man’s most interesting solution to raise awareness and funds! As a father he was profoundly affected.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-06-04/domestic-violence-motorbike-ride-ivan-phillips/7476792
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This story of the Jesuits clearing out their ‘storage’ to provide rooms for 19 victims in a wealthy suburb is how it should be
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-36339247
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[…] Linked to Love that KILLs by Calmkate […]
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[…] CQ15 – Domestic Violence: What can I/we do about this? […]
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Here is yet another story of real courage and strength of how Amanda survived and left her abuser!
https://overcomeabuse.wordpress.com/2016/06/05/time-heals-all-wounds/
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[…] 15 Please share your constructive solutions for domestic violence? […]
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[…] 15 Please share your constructive solutions for domestic violence? […]
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very well said. I think the first thing to do is to ask the victims and survivors not to sit quiet and hidden but raise their voice… we will hear them support them. no hiding and no bullying.
https://alifelessordinarywithsaurabhavna.com/2018/10/13/how-to-help-when-your-partner-has-a-metoo-story/
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[…] January 2016, kate of Calmkate posted ” Love Kills” (read more of her post in this link https://aroused.blog/2016/06/01/love-that-kills/), in this post she explores domestic violence that lead to killing and made a passionate plea to […]
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https://michnavs.wordpress.com/2019/07/19/my-saga-continuous-part-2/
I just posted it kate..
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I think more need to be done to reach young people before they get into these situations. They think they are too. Smart and strong to be forced into such a relationship but they don’t realize it doesn’t start that way. They think abusive partners come on strong and tough but they don’t . They think if they do get into such a relationship, it will be easy to leave – but it isn’t.
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you are so right in everything you say!
They are smooth charmers and play the sympathy card … sly and dangerous.
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